The explicit "yes"

I consistently prioritise others over my own needs.

This troubled me; this post details my reflection on overcoming this and similar issues.

Why has the "yes" been troubling me?

On look-back, I've been saying yes to almost everything that friends and family ask of me ever since the beginning of my adult life. Whether it be a DIY job, a call to help them in their hardships and an assist in times of need.

Upon rereading, it's not at all negative. The problem I have is I don't say this to myself, reciprocate or seek others in my time of need. I lack the ability to express myself.

Is this recompense for youthful errors? Do I lack self-respect, and as a result, push myself for others to make up for that? Why such harsh self-criticism? Why this undeserving feeling?

Self Awareness & Anxiety

Sometime about 4-5 years ago, I saw a councillor to fight this obsession with myself that I don't deserve the great things that come into life. The outcome of these sessions was that I was "highly self aware".

What does this mean?

• Honesty with oneself: I'm consistently honest with myself, almost too honest. I acknowledge how I feel, even if it's difficult.
• Reflection: Constant consideration of how my social actions, thoughts, and feelings affect others. Again, a little too much. Post-conversation, I often think of better responses and actions.
• Learning from mistakes: This I feel like is a brag, I don't want it to come across this way. I treat my mistakes as learning opportunities, but also spend too much time focussing on the mistake and how that could have been averted. 

Having a heightened self awareness isn't bad. It's a great mindset to have, but in combination with anxiety, it can go wrong quickly.

But why am I including this? What connection does it have?

Subconscious

Am I subconsciously doing good for others to cover for the lack of involvement and assist to others in my younger years?

I wasn't your ideal son in my teen years. I was lazy, had no care for others, only ever cared for what benefited me only. Does this affect me in later life? Possibly.

I think things turned around in my early twenties. Professional work life had kicked in, met my partner who I'm still with today (and appreciate her every day) and I think a combination of these things turned me into who I am today.

Lacking ability to reward your person

A few months prior to attending a counselling session, I had applied for and was provided opportunity for 2 other workplaces. They were promising jobs with incredible self-development and financial opportunities.

I had declined both.

Feeling rewarded for what I saw as a lack of ability to fulfill the role and not understanding why I was rewarded for being myself consumed me and occupied my mind excessively. I felt like everything that had led me to this moment in my professional life was purely based on luck and right-place, right-time.

Because of this, I declined both.

That's not to say I was ever unhappy in my job, hence seeking work elsewhere. I love my job and still work in that role today. Great people, varied work and fantastic self-help are some of the key factors I'm in my role today.

I just wanted the opportunity to show everyone else I am capable of more, but alas, I failed, and that destroyed me.

Is an explicit yes bad?

Absolutely not. Throughout self-reflection on these moments over the years, being kind, helpful, caring to others in their time of need is more important now than ever. We live in a world filled with hate that if I can find an opportunity to make someone's day, I will always take that.

The problem I had to fight was self-respect, self-reward and inability to express how I feel or a need for help from others. Tying my wins and current life achievements not to luck or time and place, but to significant decisions made and the time I spend working on myself. Be it, self-reflections sessions, self studying and tech examinations (something I'm incredibly proud of) and more.

Who am I today?

Here, I want to put out who I am today, not just for me, but for others. I feel like if I'm able to provide a little more insight into my life and overcoming the challenges, someone, even if a single person, may benefit.

I am a person who;

• Is caring and loving.
• Tries to bring joy to others.
• Works hard to develop their skills and capabilities.
• Pushes oneself to excel.
• Takes time to help others, even if it comes at a penalty to one's own time.
• Should be rewarded for life's achievements..

My current situation: how did it happen?

1. Record your achievements and shortcomings.
   1. Use a notepad or app. Reflect on these. Praise yourself for your good, and see how you might remedy the failures.
2. Write the positives about yourself and repeat them back to yourself 2-3 times a day.
   1. For me, it was;
      1. Your current place in life isn't due to luck its down to ability and self investment.
      2. There is no right place or the right time. Only right decisions, which is why you are who you are today.
      3. I am a caring, loving person.
      4. I take pride in myself, and enjoy bringing joy to others.
3. Get out more.
   1. Get out more! I'm a tech nerd and as a result, I spend a lot of time indoors. Take the time, even its half an hour, to walk around, go somewhere new. Grab a coffee at your local coffee shop and take in your surroundings. This will also help get you out of your own thoughts.
4. Exercise
   1. Again, as a tech nerd, I spent a lot of my time sat down at a computer. Hardly great for your body or mind.
      1. Go for a run. Get that sense of achievement. Release those endorphins and push yourself each time.
      2. Attend the gym. Go to a gym to complete your exercise, but also meet others.